Finding Real Joy in our Trials

hmm … Joy amongst trials!? Is this really possible? I’ve read about the “joyful trials” that James writes about but, in as much as I have read, studied and prayed about subject I have yet to find this “joy” when I’m faced with a trail. Clearly there must be a reason why I should be rejoicing when faced with trials but (until the below posted study) I was just not grasping how in the world this was possible.

Being faced with some rather interesting trials and having anything but joy in my heart as I go through them has caused me to dig deeper into what this whole ‘joy thing’ is really about and, as I know that I am not alone in this constant battle to not only stay afloat, but to maintain joy when having a hard time in life I thought that I would share some compiled notes with you all.

“ My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. (James 1:2-5)
"We have just read a challenging portion of Scripture with its commands and expectations. But it is also an encouraging portion as it helps us gain a clearer perspective on Christian discipleship.

Let’s start with that opening phrase, ‘Count it all joy…’ James is telling us how to respond to those times when we encounter trials. He’s telling us to rejoice. Let me remind you what Christian joy is. Keep in mind that it is different from happiness. Joy is an optimistic spirit in response to the events of life. But let me be clear. It isn’t just a grim optimism. True Christian joy over flows to affect the emotions. To be sure, there will be times when we rejoice through tears. And yet, even then, joy will over come the tears of sorrow so that the optimism is felt in the emotions. It may take a little while to get there, depending on the situation, but real Christian joy will eventually show in the emotions as well as in the attitude of the mind. This is the kind of joy that James is pointing us to.

Now, please notice that this is a command. James isn’t offering a suggestion that might be helpful. He isn’t giving pious advice to be accepted or rejected as we see fit. He is commanding us, with all the authority that he has from Christ, to rejoice when trials hit. Christian joy is not optional. It is required. You are to rejoice in the midst of trial. I hope that you see that very clearly. Joy is an obedience issue. A lack of true Christian joy in the midst of testing is not a matter of having a certain kind of personality that just doesn’t do that sort of thing. It has nothing to do with personality. A lack of joy is sin. But also notice that James doesn’t just lay down the law and then leave you on your own to figure out how to obey it. James goes further. He explains how you can obey. He does it in the next phrase. It’s the phrase that starts, ‘knowing’. ‘Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, knowing...’ We do not rejoice despite the facts. We rejoice because of the facts. We rejoice because of what we know.

Here, we bump up against an important aspect of faithful Christian living.You won’t be able to live faithfully unless you know certain things. A person can most certainly receive forgiveness of sins and be reconciled to God if he knows and believes a verse like, ‘Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved.’ [Acts 16.31] But that verse won’t be much help when you encounter a great trial. If that’s the only verse that you know, it will be hard to rejoice in the midst of trial and very easy to become confused and discouraged. That’s why one of the emphases coming out of the Reformation is that the people of God need to know the Bible. Martin Luther translated the Bible from Greek and Hebrew into the language of the people so that it could be read to them. This is why sermons are to be filled with the content of the Bible, explaining and applying it to life. This is why it is important to have family Bible reading time as well as personal Bible reading time. You will not be able to live faithfully if you do not know your Bible. You will not be able to rejoice in the midst of trial if you do not know your Bible. True Christian joy is a fruit of knowledge. And the more that you know, the easier it will be to rejoice during the tough times.

But even here, there is danger of misunderstanding. So, let me be clear.There are many know the content of the Bibles well. They can quote long passages from memory and discuss the fine points of doctrine made by those texts. But so many of these still do not rejoice. They are, in fact, unable to rejoice. And why? The knowledge that James points to is more than information stored in the brain. Your soul needs to be involved as well.Your soul needs to be convinced that the things that you know are also true.You not only know your Bible. You believe it. You believe those great and precious promises of your God. You believe the warnings as well. You believe what you know. And because of this, because you really believe what you know, you are ready to entrust yourself to your Savior whenever He sends a trial your way. Knowledge, belief, trust. It is these things that produce real Christian joy.

We know from Scripture that when we encounter a trial God is up to something. He is at work. And who can fail to rejoice once he is convinced that God is at work in the situation? James knows this but he wants to be even more specific. So, he focuses our attention on one particular thing that God is doing by sending trials our way. He writes,‘knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.’ When trials hit, God is at work. He is producing patient endurance.

When these trials come they are also a test of Faith. Honestly, this is not my first thought when I am facing financial issues, on-the-job issues, or people issues- a test of my Faith?! So it seems like James wants us to recognize when our Faith is being tested. Now, I don’t know about you, but for me, one of two things usually happens if I realize my faith is being tested. I either notice I have no faith in that particular area or I need to dig deeper in the Word to find scriptures to stand on. Sometimes it’s hard for us to understand what’s happening, but if we recognize a “lack of Faith” our first response needs to be; ‘Get in the Word!’

Romans 10:17 - “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God”
Now here is the reward for your faith being tested-“Your endurance has a chance to grow.” In the NKJV version, James 1:3 reads “knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience”. So with these trials and the recognition that this is simply a faith test, I will grow in patience, which is one area of the fruits of the Spirit.

It doesn’t stop there. The next verse states; “So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything”. Now, there are two things here I want to point out.
First, for your endurance to be fully developed, it means you are probably going to be experiencing that “trial” for some time. It will not just go away over night.
Second, when your endurance has reached its maturity, you will notice your next reward, strength in character, and the ability to be ready for anything. I want to bring to your attention that the scriptures used “anything” and not “something”. I note this simply because we can get caught up in “fighting” one or more battles without letting our patience mature which causes us to fight out of a place of little power. Hence, it may seem like we have been standing on the Word, but some how we are not ready for anything. The disconnect lies in the maturity of our patience. We will be ready for anything if we endure and that’s what the Word says! The next verse says “If you need wisdom – if you want to know what God wants you to do – ask Him, and He will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking.” When facing these trials, we tend not to have a clear understanding of why, and the only one I know who has all the answers is God. So James tells us what to do, go ask for wisdom. God will tell you what to do. In these times, I have also noted the strategy which comes forth from the Holy Spirit.

I may not know what you are going through, but the Lord knows and He has already spoken to you in His Scriptures.
1 Peter 4:12-14 - "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be over joyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you."
The trials you are facing are not strange! You are not the only one! I promise, you are not the first nor will you be the last to go through what you are facing, especially if it was caused by your outward confession of Christ.

Let me share with you one area of caution while your patience is maturing; people will try to unnerve you with their “words of wisdom” which do nothing but add worry. Granted they can be rightfully concerned, but be careful who you share your heart with and listen to. Stand with God and use discernment.

I recall Ephesians 6:13 - “Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand”. You know the drill by now; suit up with God’s Armor, get your prayer partner, and stand on the Word the Lord gave you. So let’s go back to the beginning.

Do we have a reason to exude Joy in our “fiery trials?” Yes, absolutely! Without a shadow of a doubt! We must recognize that these trials are tests of our Faith and if we endure, we will grow more in patience. With mature endurance, we will be ready for anything, especially when we have petitioned God for wisdom and we our Joy is fulfilled. It’s not easy, but “You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you”. Count it ALL JOY!

There are many things that James could have pointed to as a basis for joy. But he chose this. Why? The reason is clear. This is what James’ listeners needed to hear. There were many trials, some big, others small. And the temptation to give up was very real. They could hear the evil one whispering in their ears, ‘This is too hard. Why keep at it? Life would be so much easier if you just quit.’ James’ listeners needed to be reminded that those trials were doing good. They were worth enduring. In fact, they were producing the very endurance that they needed to finish the race. James pointed to this aspect of God’s work because of something that both he and his listeners knew. Being a faithful Christian is hard. It isn’t just some walk in the park. It’s a marathon. And getting to the end of the race is difficult. We know that it is difficult because many who start the race don’t finish it. The message that is sometimes preached these days is, ‘Come to Jesus and life will be wonderful.’ Now, that’s true. But it’s incomplete. And because it’s incomplete, it can be misleading. We need to tell people that life will be wonderful for them if they come to Jesus. But we also need to tell them that it will be hard. That’s what Jesus said.

"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it." Mark 8:34-35
Jesus, here, promises life in its fullness. But He also promises a cross.You need to lose your life for His sake first. James understood that. His listeners understood that. We need to understand that. Being a faithful disciple is both wonderful and difficult, glorious and painful. We pursue it in the hope that one day being a faithful disciple will be even more glorious and not painful at all. And what is needed for us to arrive at that day? Patient endurance, continuing to put one foot in front of the other as we run the marathon, eagerly looking for the end of the race. And while we are slogging away, the world, the flesh and the devil are doing their best to trip us up. They will try to discourage us. ‘It’s too far and too hard. Just give up.’ They will try to foster unbelief. ‘You’ve been abandoned. No one cares. You’ve been left alone. Not even God thinks about you. What ever is at the end of the race certainly isn’t worth this.’ They will try to confuse you. ‘Are you sure that you’re doing this right? Is it really supposed to hurt like this?’ And then they will tempt you with the pleasures of this life.

Faithful Christian discipleship is hard. But here is James, our fellow runner. And he is shouting encouragement to us. He is telling us that the trials that we find so difficult are actually for our benefit. They are producing the endurance that we need if we are going to run the race to the very end. He is telling us that these trials are part of God’s way of getting us to the finish line. And so, when they hit, when you encounter atrial, rejoice! Rejoice because of what you know. God is at work. He is blessing you with what you need. He is using the trial to bless you with more endurance. Thank Him for what He is doing. Be optimistic. Good will come out of these trials. And so, as you submit to God in your trials, rejoicing because of what you know, you’ll find your self getting stronger and stronger. You'll be better equipped to plod on until you come to the finish line that you have so eagerly desired.

There are good reasons to rejoice and to continue the hard work of faithful Christian living. But none of this will do you any good unless you believe it. If you don’t believe that faithful Christian living is a difficult race then there is no need for patient endurance. If there is no need for patient endurance then trials are only an annoyance instead of a blessing. And if you view trials in this way there will be no joy. All that you’ve read is of no value unless you believe it. And that takes the grace of God. And so, I would urge you to pray. Pray that God would enable you to believe what you’ve heard, to believe it deeply. As you do that you will see your joy grow.

I would also encourage you to think about the finish line. Often. We are in the midst of a long race. But in this race everyone who finishes wins. There is no coming in second. Everyone who finishes the race comes in first. Everybody wins. Nothing in this life is worth the pain of the race. But after you cross the finish line it will all be worth it. Pray that the Spirit will make heaven so very real to you that we all will run with endurance all the way to the end."

-H. Leon Ben-Ezra paraphrased by me to fit this post

Pondering a Mountain

Trials and tribulations. All of us face them in our lives, but what do we do about it? How do we cope with them and is there any hope for a ‘bright tomorrow’ when faced with a mountain? These are questions that we all ask ourselves at one point in time or another and my battles with a few of my own ‘mountains’ has brought me to ponder the subject on a deeper level lately.

There are many things that happen in life that make absolutely no sense to us and that tempt us to question the will of God. However, sooner or later we come to the realization that it is not our place to question the will of our Creator but to have faith and hope as we keep trusting in Him.

Being a child of a loving God does not make me immune to life’s trials. The Bible clearly teaches that God loves those who are His children and He “works all things together for good” for us (Rom 8:28). So that must mean that (even though we cannot always see it) the trials and tribulations He allows in our lives are part of the working together of all things for good. Therefore, for the believer, all trials and tribulations must have a divine purpose.

As in everything, God’s ultimate purpose for us is to grow more and more into the image of His Son (Rom 8:29). This is the goal of the Christian, and everything in life, including the trials and tribulations, is designed to enable us to reach that goal. It is part of the process of sanctification; that is, being set apart for God’s purposes and fitted to live for His glory. "In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which perishes, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." (1 Peter 1 6-7) Simply put, faith will be made sure by the trials we experience so that we can rest in the knowledge that it is real and will last forever.

If we were to step back and look at things, we would notice that our trials develop godly character with-in us that enables us to "rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us” (Rom 5:3-5). Persevering proves our faith. "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13).

At the same time, we must be careful never to make excuses for our "trials and tribulations" if they are a result of our own wrongdoing. God will forgive our sins because the eternal punishment for them has been paid by Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. However, we still have to suffer the natural consequences in this life for our sins and bad choices. But God uses even those sufferings to mold and shape us for His purposes and our ultimate good. The more I study and reflect on this the more I fully realize how trials and tribulations come with both a purpose and a reward. "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which the Lord has promised to those who love Him" (James 1:2-4, 12).

Through all of life’s trials and tribulations, we have the victory. "But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord, Jesus Christ." These verses encourage us to see that although we are in a spiritual battle, Satan has no authority over the believer in Christ. God has given us His Word to guide us, His Holy Spirit to enable us, and the privilege of coming to Him anywhere, at any time, to pray about anything. He has also assured us that no trial will test us beyond our ability to bear it, and “he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it” (1 Cor 10:13).

A Simple Butterfly Reminder to use Struggles for Future Growth

A cool breeze loosened another curl from my braided hair, sending it whipping across my face which, in turn, sent a shiver shooting down my spine. I am of a rather ticklish nature, you see, and the soft touch of even my own Irish curls torments my nerves in ways that words cannot describe! After giving myself ample time to do a full body shudder, I calmly but yet firmly placed the ill behaved curl behind my ear and continued on with my work.

Summer had just drawn to a close, and the bright blue sky of which I had grown so fond during the warmer months was now hidden by deep grey clouds that threatened rain, but never brought it. I was in the middle of sorting freshly dug potatoes that smelled earthly in that wonderfully familiar way, when the sun’s warm rays reached out from a break in the clouds and smacked me right in the face. Being a bit surprised by the warmth of my long lost sunny friend, I sat there, a bit bedazzled, for a while. Not knowing when I would next have the chance to appreciate the company of my longtime companion's warm rays again, I decided to take a brief moment to properly greet him.

The autumn leaves crinkled and crunched beneath my body as I laid myself down upon the ground. The rice-ekrispies in-a-bowl sound almost deafened me as I re-positioned myself underneath the looming branches of the great oak tree that towered above my head.

I closed my eyes and listened to the rustling sound of leaves being tossed about in the gentle breeze. The reminder that leaves were falling off the trees, and not staying on them, was not comfort to me, as I was dreading the cold months ahead. Just as I started to get lost in thought, I felt a light tickle upon my face. Fearing another shiver attack coming on, I opened my eyes to recapture the unruly curl and set it back in its place. To my utter surprise, however, it was a butterfly that was brushing up against my face! I sat up and gazed upon its bright colors as it fought the blowing currents and flittered here and there around the tree. Most of its kind had already migrated south, so this one must have really been running late.

Butterflies and moths have always caught my attention, so it was no surprise to me that I was so captivated by its presence. As I watched, a multitude of memories came back to me from my youth, when I studied and collected wide varieties of moths and butterflies.

Seeing it’s determination in fighting the wind reminded me of the time I watched a cecropia moth emerge from its cocoon. It was a rainy day when the top of the cocoon finally broke open and the moth attempted to free itself. As I watched, I could see the moth struggling to exert its newly-formed muscles, and it was very noticeable that the moth's progress was slow. The urge to reach down and widen the opening of the cocoon to make it easier for the moth was so over whelming for me! I knew that with a few moments of my help, it would be free from its prison. I knew all too well, however, that if I did this in an effort to relieve a struggle, I would cripple the future of this creature. You see, what my studies had taught me is that the battle to get out of the cocoon was an essential means of developing the muscle system of the moth’s entire body. The pressure of these muscles working together was necessary to push the blood into the wings and fill them out to their full dimension.

At that very moment, I realized: the moth’s present hardships, were essential for its future maturity. I was struck by the determination of these moths, who endured their current trials for their own good. Each and every growth stage of the moth would be achieved only through struggle, and each struggle would be necessary for the insect to attain full growth.

If this concept is true for the growth and survival of a moth, how much more is it true for us? We cannot reach our own potential, or even survive, for that matter, if we do not face our daily struggles with a striving toward future achievement. Now, every time I see a moth or butterfly, I am reminded to go forward with determination whenever faced with a challenge, so that I will give my self opportunity to achieve growth, and not to be crippled by my foes.

Trusting in Him: His Eye is on the Sparrow

This past weekend I got called out on an emergency run to deliver some goat kids (this is not uncommon for Beth or I at this time of year).
In as much as you may be saying “oooh how exciting!!” I found myself dreading this event as I ran toward the truck. In raising animals for the past 18yrs and taking an active part in delivering them for the past 9, I have seen my share of these little creatures coming into this world as well as my share of seeing them leave it.
You would think that it might get easier to ‘loose’ a life as time passes for I may possibly be finding out how to deal with it better and by now it could/would have become a ‘normal’ part of life (which it is).
But, its rather on the contraire for in-as-much as it is a common part of life, it seems to be getting harder to see something leave this world. Now here, you may be temped to say “Oh what an overly emotional female! Always putting her feelings into something that she has to “boohoo” every time something dies!”. However, in my own defense, God created us women to be rather feeling, nurturing and caring beings and it is quite human to feel sadness when something dies. Not to mention the fact that God has placed us here to shepherd these flocks and to care for them. (Prov 12:10 A righteous man regards the life of his animal,) So, I desire to be responsible in caring for their lives. Also, I fully recognize that it is God that gives and takes away everything on this earth and He has a reason for everything.
I think that it is here, in my humanness that I have trouble seeing why He does, what He does, when He does it. But, it is not my place to question the sovereignty of God and it is (more often than not), not meant for me to know those details, but just for me to trust in Him.

So, that being said, I shall continue on with my story.
Having gone through many nightmarish deliveries last kidding season and loosing one to many does and kids, I have been rather dreading this kidding season. All the memories of seeing the life slip away from eyes of countless newborn kid that died from kidding complications were fresh in my mind along with the memories of seeing their Mom’s die after tying so hard to bring their kids into this world.
It’s a hard battle that my mind, heart and soul fight together. For on the one hand, I know, that I know, that I know that God is in control and if it is meant for them to die, then they will flat out die no matter what I do to save them. But on the other hand, one cannot help but feel completely responsible when I loose one for it really does feel that I lost them!
So, I drove on completely lost in prayer as I made my way to the farm that had called for help. From the details given in the call, I knew that I had my work cut out for me and that this was not going to be an easy delivery. This was proved true when upon arrival and during the internal examination, I found a rather large kid miss-represented. Many things then took place and I was running out of time to save the kid and we were reaching the point where the doe was not looking to bright either.
I knew that Beth was on her way as a ’back-up’ so that thought was of comfort to me. At that time, there was not another kid present that I could push this one back in and go for another so I was really running out of options when I finally got its nose up on its knees and begin to pull yet once again. We were just about to enter the point of no return and I felt sure that I would finally be able to get this baby out when it jerked its head out of my grip and I was back to square one. Beth was almost there so I decided to let the doe rest a bit and let Beth have a go at things with her fresh strength.
Beth encountered the same problems but by then there was another kid present that she was able to push the first one back in and go for the second. I’ll spare you the rest of the gory details and wrap this up with the facts that we were not able to save any of the triplets that were born. The doe will be fine but the loss of all three kids did not come too lightly.
All the ‘hidden’ emotions of past losses started to come forth and I was lost in a sea of grief and sadness. On the way home I started to kick myself for loosing them but I was quickly reminded that it is the Lord that gives and takes and I started to calm down. Still, when I reached home I found myself washing the blood off me with the dish scrubber in such a vigorous action that I am surprised that I still have some skin left! My blood stained clothes were quickly removed and I could not shake off the urge to take a shower with a Brillo pad.
In my devotions that evening I happened to be reading in Matthew 10 when the verses 29-31 really stood out to me. (“Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.”)
That night I spent a good chunk of time writing in my journal and taking notes on that entire chapter. Being reminded of how He is in control of everything was refreshing. It was also an encouragement to be reminded and see how providence extends to all creatures, even to the sparrows.
My parents had just returned from a wonderful couples retreat that evening and we had much to catch-up on together. So, I was not able to spend as much time in this passage of scripture as I desired to and all my unfinished thoughts were still flying about the next morning.
That morning as we were just about to go out the door to Church, Mom’s little dog got attacked by the neighbor’s dogs. At that time things looked pretty grim for the little fellow. He was given what medical help that he could have and we left him to rest.
As I’m driving to Church all of this ‘sparrow stuff’ was burning on my mind. The song ‘His Eye is on the Sparrow’ was mulling around in my (sometimes rather empty) scull. Then I got lost thinking about the little doggy who was ailing at home. As I got lost in thought I felt as if someone kept trying to tell me
“Dawn! It’s OK :) It will all be fine, you are doing all that you need to do, just trust, trust Me and all will be ok. Just let it all go, and TRUST Me”.
I took a deep breath and gave it all up to my Father realizing that I should not have been holding onto anything in the first place for it is not mine to hold.
Just then a flock of sparrows flew up and the very last one hit the windshield right in front of me. Me oh my! What a feeling of God being so totally in control of everything! That verse about the sparrow was on my mind and then “wham!” He just took one right then and there! How little I felt in those few short moments that followed.
Somewhere along the way I had developed this silly fear, a fear of loosing. Loosing people, weather it be in death or loosing friendships, loosing relationships, a fear of loosing animals, of loosing those babies that I have worked so hard for these past 18yrs and I somehow along there, I forgot that it is God that completely holds everything. That it is He that gives and takes.
Fear in a person brings on a perplexing snare, a snare that disturbs our peace, an entangling snare, by which we are drawn into sin (and) therefore, it must be striven and prayed against. Tribulation, distress, and persecution cannot take away God's love to/for us. I (we) need to fear Him at all times. For it is He who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.
I often need to remind myself that the way of a person is not in himself, nor in our friend's hands, nor in our enemies' hands, but in God's. In this faith and confidence that we should pray like David did that the Lord would save him for his mercies’ sake, and not for any merit of his own. (Psalm 31:14 But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD; I say, “You are my God.” )
I also need to remember the Lord’s hand in the act of providence. Providence takes notice of the meanest creatures, even of the sparrows, and Providence likewise takes interest in the smallest interests of the disciples of Christ.
I must admit that that there are times that I stop and chuckle at myself for my own human stupidity. Because, even though the Lord has brought me down a path in life that time and time again has made me cling to Him for survival, I still find myself straying.
Those that truly love God, may triumph in Him as their Rock and Refuge, and may call upon Him with confidence. It is good to always observe all the circumstances that surround that of a mercy which magnify the power and strength of God, and His goodness to us in it. God will not only deliver us out of our troubles in due time, but he will bear us up under our troubles in the mean time. (Psalm 18:2 The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.)
Its one of those things that I sit back and say to myself “You silly Dawn! You know better! You‘ve been through all of this giving it up to the Lord and trusting stuff before! Oh ye of little remembrance! Wilt thou ever learn??”
I'm finding out that God seems to bring us through things multiple times so that we can learn and remember the lessons on a new level. This time around, this lesson hit home on a different note than usual. . .

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Turning Sandy Beaches and Hooting Owls into a Lesson on Loyalty

My mind was a thousand miles away from home as I lay comfortably in my bed dreaming of pleasant things when I was suddenly awoken by some buzzing sound that seemed to be moving my pillow. It took me a moment to gather my bearing and realize that I was no longer on a sandy beach, but rather that I was freezing in my northern American bed as my phone vibrated away by my covers. It all started to come back to me as I remembered that I was trying to take a short cat nap before my dear friend called me that night. There was a two hour time zone difference between us and he was only available to talk that day after a time when I was normally asleep. So, on this particular night when I was feeling so sleepy, I decided to go to bed early and just let the phone awake me when he called. It had been several days since we had time to really talk and I was quite eager to catch up on things. So, I had no second thoughts about re-arranging my sleeping schedule (just this once) so that we could talk that evening. Our conversation turned out to be a long one that night and I found myself hanging up a little after midnight. My mind was racing after we ended our conversation for we had talked about a good many things and I did not quite know what to think about it all. However, the clock ticked on and I knew that I needed to get my rest. So, I settled back into my bed and tried to drift off to sleep.

My half awake and ever racing thoughts were soon interrupted by a faint “hoOhoO whohoo! whoOo, who, hoo, hohoOo whoowhoOoO”. I had to smile at the sound of this old hoot owl who was somewhere outside my window just hooting away. For some reason its small voice was very calming to me. However, it was not long before this medium pitched hoot was answered by a much deeper toned hoot from across the road. The two talked and hooted back and forth, back and forth till the high pitched one finally flew closer in, landing on the tree right out side my window. The deeper one returned the gesture and few to a closer tree as well. Now their conversations were much louder and were heard all to well by my ears who, (by now), would much rather be hearing a whole lot of nothing rather than a whole lot of something! The two of them echoed each other back, and forth back and forth … back … and forth … back … and forth for hours on end! I turned my floor fan on, cranked up my good night Mozart music, and buried my head under a pillow but it was all to no avail for I could still hear them. The clock ticked away, and, I must confess that my temper was starting to rise up with-in me for I was in great need of sleep and saw no reason to be kept awake by two overly vocal opera singing hoot owls! One’o’clock, two’o’clock’, two-thirty . . . I was still wide awake. But, by now I had put my thoughts to good use as I tried to name off all the good qualities of owls. For some reason, when I am having a good deal of bad thoughts towards someone, or something, I have found an easy way (for me anyway) to turn all of my sinful negativity into positive Christ honoring thoughts just by naming off all of the good things about that person or about that thing. Thus, on went the search to find all of the good traits of owls.

Being a girl who greatly enjoyed a nice flock of poultry when I was in my younger years, it was rather hard to think of an owl’s good traits because all I could think about is how bad they are for my farm! All that they have ever done was steal our baby chicks and carry off our young hens. However, the more I thought about this, the more I realized that I could not really blame them for this because they were just providing for their family. And, as it just so happened, we had a good source and plentiful source of food for them. I’m sure that the Beatty family farm was sort of like a McDonalds or something to them! I thought about how sacrificial and serving owls are when they are sitting on their eggs for they lay them in the cold months, and sit on them all through-out the winter.

My mind drifted back to a time when I came upon an owls nest in the dead of winter while I was out for an early morning bareback horse ride. This early nesting was an unusual sight in the frozen woods that I was riding through for it was a full two months before other birds would do the same - and for a good reason to! The cold days and colder nights made the female owl a prisoner of her nest. If she left the nest to find food for herself, she would run the risk of her eggs freezing. So, she went without much food during the crucial incubation period.

My oh my, how loyal these owls are! After four weeks of keeping the eggs warm, three cream-colored, downy owlets hatched. Now the reason for the early nesting became apparent for their young appetites were enormous. The task of feeding would be impossible were it not for the mother’s early nesting. This gave her the advantage of being able to spot a passing meal on the floor of the woods. Leaves had not yet grown on the trees, and the lingering snow provided a sharp contrast to the rodents for which the parents searched.
In three months the owlets would grow from three inches to over two feet! Their tremendous and rapid growth makes it necessary for the parents to secure enormous quantities of food. And it is for this reason that the parent bird adjusts its schedule and remains stationary during the cold months of winter, depriving itself of food so that it can better meet the need of its rapidly growing young.

Thinking over these things caused me to pause, and question myself. Am I loyal? One thing that the owl taught me is that loyalty can be displayed in many ways. One meaning and one way to display loyalty would be adjusting my schedule to meet the needs of those I am serving. Do I do that? … Do you? Do you patiently, and willingly, adjust your schedule to meet the needs of those who you are called to serve? Or, my dear reader, are you unfaithful? Being unwilling to be committed to our Lord and unfaithful to what He has called us to serve in, and, unfaithful to who he has called us to serve. In all things we should be loyal, using difficult times to demonstrate our commitment to God, and to those whom He has called us to serve.

“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.
If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned. If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you. Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples. As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love. These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full. This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.
Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.
Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you. These things I command you, that ye love one another. If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.”

- John 15:4-20

Philohela Minor and Responsibility

P-H-I-L-O-H-E-L-A M-I-N-O-R, I spelled the words so carefully at the top of my newly turned page and re-read it : Philohela Minor. Otherwise and more normally known as the common woodcock. It was a new bird that I had spotted that early summers morning while I jogged my way through a near by forest preserve. I loved my time spent here at the preserve for it afforded me with many wonderful things all at the same time. My favorite part of my morning trips were that I was able to have some quite moments to think, pray, and ponder important issues of life while being out in nature and enjoying God’s beautiful creation. Learning from nature and soaking in creation has almost become a hobby of mine. So, you can easily see how these trips to the preserve were priceless and almost monumental in my daily routine. Plus, I also got a good physical work out by walking, jogging or biking down the curvy and often very hilly paths so that was an added bonus.

I had always been taught to watch and learn from the possible character traits that were hidden around me in nature. So, since I had paused to tie my shoe I automatically paused to watch this little woodcock and her young for a while to see if there was anything that I might learn from them.

After a while, it became apparent that the mother was attempting to feed her young but she seemed to keep finding only sticks and stones instead of nice worms and bugs for them. As more time passed the woodcock begain to do some very interesting things. Such as deliberately flattening herself out on the ground, Next, she spread out her wings. In this position, she beat the ground by rapidly flapping them against the earth, Then she stopped for a moment, listening intently before resuming her unusual effort.

In a short time the woodcock family was enjoying its long-awaited meal. Each young chick was busily finding worms along the parched surface in the very place where their earlier efforts had been fruitless. What made the difference?

Earthworms instinctively know that if they are deep within the ground when a hard rain falls, they will drown unless they can quickly get to the surface for air, Because of this danger, the body of the worm is very sensitive to the vibrations from the surface. When the woodcock rapidly flutters its wings from above, the beating sounds like rain drops to the worms and they burrow upward toward the surface. As the worms come within reach, the woodcock pierces the ground with its bill and pulls them out.

I noticed how responsible this mother was with her little ones and I pondered if the young woodcocks would observe the important aspect of responsibility by the example of their mother using all her energies to fulfill the needs of her young. This made me question myself as I asked the question of am I responsible or not. Do I know and do what God and others are expecting from me? My dear Christain, I ask you the same of you, are you responsible? Do you do know and do what God and others are expecting from you? Or are you unreliable. Do you recognize what needs doing before your asked to do it, or do you go about your own way and ignore what the Lord has called you to do?

“For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord's. For to this end Christ both died, and rose, and revived, that he might be Lord both of the dead and living. But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God. So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God. Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumbling block or an occasion to fall in his brother's way.”
Romans 14:8-13

Beneath the Water's Edge ...

The early morning’s sun glistened across the waters smooth untouched surface as a nearby duck waddled her way to the edge. Her six ducklings trailed behind her as they swiftly glided into the pond.
I could not help but smile as they quacked and peeped back and forth between each other. The attentive male (who was keeping watch on a near by log), soon joined them as they moved their way to and fro, searching for small bits of food.
I repositioned myself on the cold rock where I was perched and continued reading in my book.
Listening to their little quacks and water splashes was so amusing to my ears that I kept finding myself zoning out and not paying attention to what I was reading.
Every now and then the male would raise his head and voice in alarm and then every one would quickly climb atop a near by floating tree. Then, he would give the ‘ok’ and everyone would plop back into the water again and go merrily on there way.
I recalled watching the wood ducks a few days ago and learning on how attentive they are. I remembered how the mother duck communicates to the un-hatched ducklings while they are still in the egg.
I also remembered reading how various studies have been conducted in which the mother wood duck is taken away from the un-hatched eggs so the ducklings do not hear her voice. The result is that the ducklings are not obedient to their mother after they hatch.
I gazed back at the little family of ducks as yet once again, the father sounded the alarm and they quickly climbed out of the water. All but one little duckling that is, each time they got out of the water there was one who seemed to get slower and slower each time. This time he slowly paddled his way over to the log as his parents got louder and louder in their alarms and reproaches. Just as he reached the edge of the log and began to hop aboard SPLOOSH! He was gone! A predator (that was unseen by my ‘land eye‘) had come up from underneath the water’s edge and gobbled him up! The parents continued to quack and squawk for quite some time as my jaw hung there open in disbelief.
A few moments passed and things settled down as the pond returned to its usual busyness.

Its amazed me how obedience to parents can be a matter of life and death for the duck. As I got to thinking I realized that the same is true of our relationship with God. If wood ducklings fail to listen to the voices of their parents, they will be destroyed. If we fail to listen to the voice of God we will experience destruction.
Obedience is often defined as receiving instruction, correction, provision, and protection.
Obedience is also wise submission to the will of those whom God has placed over us. True obedience is an attitude more than an action. It does not involve carrying out commands that would require us to violate the higher law of God.
Obedience is based on the motivation that God works through structures of authority and that every person must give an account to God for every decision.
This made me ponder just exactly how obedient I am in my every day walk. If I am not careful to listen and obey, I very well know that something unseen may snatch me out of the water as well.
Talk about a great mental picture to keep me motivated to be obedient in all things! =)

Busy as a Beaver . . .

With my ‘to do’ list spreading onto two full pages … I quickly typed ‘busy as a beaver’ in my facebook status and went back to work trying to make a decent dent in the tasks at hand. As I went about my day that beaver phrase seemed to be caught in my mind and I began to wonder just exactly how it came to be.
A few days later, I found myself walking down a trail at the forest preserve when I came upon a small pond that was ‘hidden’ away in the woods. I seated myself on a fallen tree and began to take in God’s glorious creation that sat before me.
As I rested there I noticed that the pond had a few beaver dams in it. This peaked my curiosity as beavers still seemed to be on my mind from the previous day! So, I sat for a while in hopes of catching a glimpse of these ‘busy’ beavers.
I sat and sat but to no avail for I never did see any beaver action that evening … the only thing that seemed to be grabbing my attention was how sore my seat was from sitting on that knobby log for so long!!
So, as the sun began to pull its evening curtains across the sky I began to move my sore seat towards home. However, these beavers were still on the brain.
Over the course of the next few weeks, I started reading up on beavers and I even got smart and packed a few books in my nap sack to study while I sat on that old knobby log and awaited to see these beautiful beavers at work. Over time I did get to see them in action and I soon forgot about how uncomfortable that log was! ;)
So, what did I find out with all of this sitting, watching and reading?
A beaver is always busy! “Busy as a Beaver” is not an empty phrase. Beavers are defiantly very diligent creatures.
I saw first hand how a beaver works tirelessly long hours at cutting down trees and gathering food for it‘s family. Even after a dam is completed and its storage is full it still works away getting ‘extra’ things done.
Its amazes me how their dams are made with masterful architecture and precise engineering. It also amazed me to read how a beaver also prepares for future generations by building extra dams for its kits.
If I made any sudden movements or dropped a book than I would experience first hand how a beaver warns its family of danger (with me being the ’danger’). The flat tail of the beaver serves not only as rudder when swimming and a balance when cutting trees, but also as a warning instrument. When any member of a beaver family recognizes danger, it upends its body and slams its tail against the water creating a huge “SMACK!!“ The impact when these two flat surfaces meet creates such a shock wave that the sound can be heard a half-mile away! The beavers then headed for safety and my ears are left ringing!
However, (more than the beaver’s ability to deafen my ears ;) was the fact of how diligent they are that stuck in my brain.
The more I thought about it the more I began to question my heart behind my work at home.
The beavers seamed to work with such fervency at there tasks and I rarely ever saw them ‘quarrel’ about their work. They just keep going, and going, and going … like energizer batteries.
I started to study diligence deeper in my devotions and it was not long before the phrase ‘busy as a beaver’ took on a whole new light to me.
After a while I began to look at each new ’to do list’ totally different. I started welcoming each task as a special assignment from the Lord and using all my energies to accomplish it.

It’s amazing how the Lord used that simple phrase as a spark, and a short walk in the woods that evening to inspire me to look deeper and later lead me to being more diligent with my walk with Him, my walk with my family, as well as grasping a firmer and more loving look at my beloved two page ‘to do’ list ;)

Attentive Snapping Turtles and Wood Ducks

I stepped lightly on the moist ground trying not to make to much noise as I headed down the shaded trial towards the river. My cold hands clasped my camera firmly as my eyes scanned through the woods looking for things of interest to capture on film.
By now the sun was setting and its tiered rays were casting a warm glow across the sky. The cool evening air was causing an almost mystical fog to appear off the sides of the river bank. I paused for a moment to take in the glorious view. Song birds were flying to and fro finishing up the last of their days work, a few deer followed a massively large buck in the distance as they carefully walked out into a clearing to graze, Canadian geese were swimming in large flocks down the river and a few colorful wood ducks were perched on a drifting log.
I raised my camera and used up all of its zooming power to try and capture the ducks iridescent colors however they were just out of my eye’s range and they were still to far off for my camera to do them justice. I carefully crept forward towards them however, trying to miss every single leaf and twig seemed to slow me down quit a bit.
At this pace I mine as well hitch a ride on one of those snapping turtles that were traveling along the same trail as me … I figured that I could probably get closer to the ducks in a more quietly and quick fashion if I could only bring myself to sit atop one of those nice sweet turtles. However, there was something about their massive knee high size, pointed sharp looking mouth and spiky tail that deterred me from doing so and as a matter of a fact … it actually made me walk in a wide path around them! Even though I knew that they are not aggressive out of water and move about as fast as a snail, I still could not bring myself to get anywhere near them. Somehow my mind was now SO fixed on keeping my distance from these wonderful, calm, horrifyingly scary creatures that I had almost forgotten what I was doing and where I was going!
After a few deep breaths I regained my concentration and continued my quest. The ducks were still a long ways off and I stepped forward with an eager air of new found confidence in myself when “crunch!” I stepped on a small twig and away the ducks flew! Bummer! I missed them again!
As I continued down the trail looking for something else to fix my camera on my mind just could not get off of those ducks! They are just soooo attentive!! The brainyack side of me recalled how attentiveness is defined in the dictionary as
“the ability or power to concentrate mentally, a close or careful observing or listening, the acts of being considerate, courteous, and thoughtful.”
these thoughts sent my mind off on a trail of its own as I considered how attentive I am in life.
To me, attentiveness is not only about observing or listening, but it’s also about showing the worth of a person by giving total undivided concentration to their words. As I pondered my own attentiveness to those around me I also got to thinking about wood ducks.
I remembered how a pair of wood ducks work together in building their nest and preparing it for their young. When the nest is complete, the mother wood duck lays one egg each day for twelve to fifteen days.
Then, (quite amazingly!) the egg that was laid on the fifteenth day hatches on the same day as the egg that was laid on the first day!
Now why in the world was I thinking about this and what does attentiveness have to do with baby ducks hatching? Well, the more I thought and the more I walked I realized that all the eggs hatch on the same day because the mother and father wood ducks begin “talking” to their young while they are still in the eggs. In this way the young ducklings learn to be attentive to the voices of their parents.
As the day approaches for hatching, the mother wood duck begins giving instructions to the un-hatched wood ducklings. Then before long, a chorus of “peeps” comes from the eggs, as the ducklings respond to their parents and to one another. These “conversations” between adult wood ducks and their young bond them together and help to synchronize the hatching process so all the ducklings break out of their shells within minutes of one another!
When the ducklings are less than 24hrs old, their mother flies to the base of the nesting tree and calls up to her ducklings to leave the nest. This instruction could mean a jump of up to fifty feet for the ducklings.
Ducklings that were attentive to their mother’s voice before hatching scramble up the side of the nest and jump. Usually all the ducklings jump out of the nest in less than five minutes. This quick response is necessary because hungry predators also hear the mother’s call an will come to devour the mother and her ducklings if they do not find safety in a nearby pond.
In the pond the ducklings continue to be protected by being attentive to their mother’s warnings. When they hear a warning, they must remain motionless until the danger is passed.
The more I pondered this the more I realized just how non-attentive I am in my life and to those around me and how important it is for me to be attentive to what the Lord is calling me to in life and to those around me.
My (now weary) feet neared the truck’s door as I realized that I had not gotten one single picture at all on my walk! However, I felt that the lessons that I pondered and learned on this walk were much more meaningful and important to me than a few shots of wood ducks =)
Now every time I see these beautiful iridescent creatures, I am reminded to be careful in observing or listening to where the Lord is leading me and what he is ‘telling me‘, and to show the worth of a person by giving total undivided concentration to their words.

Gratefulness, -Redd Chickadees & Flying Frisbee’s

I love my morning (& somtimes evening) trips up to the Forest Preserve with our dogs. The scenery is amazing up there and I love to bask in God's creation while walking along the paths to give them (and myself) some exercise.
The fall leaves crunched beneath my feet as I walked out to grab the frisbee to toss for Redd (yes his name is spelled with two 'dd's ;) I bent down and picked up the (by now) slobbery round thing and gave it a big spin across the prairie land. I had to chuckle a bit as I watched my sister’s goofy looking orange and white spotted Australian Cattle dog go chasing after his favorite toy. His bushy tail bounced to and fro as he went leaping after it. Upon his return I could see his Rudolph like red nose bobbing about with the old tattered green Frisbee in his mouth.
I gave him a good pat on his soft fur and told him what a good job he had done in “capturing the escaping toy!” He looked at me with a pleased smile as if to say “Is it dead is it dead?!”.
I gave the toy another big spin only for Redd to pause for a moment and look up at me with a puzzled gaze as if to say “how could you let it get away so quickly!” this thought did not occupy his mind for to long for he was soon chasing after it again.
I started walking a little further down the path as he went bounding after the plastic escapee.
A slow crisp breeze caught me square between the nostrils as I walked. For a brief moment, I was taken back by that familiar smell of the coming of fall. Autumn had only just begun but I could feel it’s coolness all to well! Fond memories of flannel shirts, warm coco, chain saws, fire wood and the crackling in the fire within our wood stove with fresh pumpkin pie perched atop it's blackened surface flooded my mind as I took in my surroundings.
All the fields in the distance had turned golden shades of brown, I could see one or two combines busy about harvesting here and there, and the leaves were starting to turn from their marvelous green into various shades of red orange and yellow.
A few birds were flying to and fro busy about there work. Some were getting ready to migrate south for the winter, and some were gathering up seed for the winter here at 'home'.
Although I saw many different kinds of birds, the little Black-Capped Chickadees really seamed to catch my attention.
It almost seemed odd for this little common bird to peak my curiosity so much because I always see chickadees. Back at the farm they are everywhere! And yet every time I see them they seem to be so happy, content and almost grateful for everything in life.
I started thinking about how chickadees have such a bright song all the time, I even hear them during the dark cold and dreary days.
It always seems so easy for us to be grateful and cheerful during times when things are going well, yet God instructs us to give thanks “in all things,” even during the hard days of adversity. When the storm clouds gather, and the rain, sleet & snow pelts the earth the song of the chickadee can almost always be heard. The chickadee seems to embrace the cruelest weather with a bright, cheery response which amazes and almost strengthens me when I hear it. I remembered reading about how the chickadee is named after its song: “chickadee-dee-dee” I know that (warmth wise) for the chickadee to sing during winter storms is quite a feat, because its body cools quite rapidly.
These little wonders seem to have a song when other birds are silent and they always seem to be expressing their gratefulness to everyone and everything for what they have in life. Sometimes it seems that expressing gratefulness is a rare phenomenon among people.
Over time, I’ve noticed that communicating a bright, cheerful song during adverse conditions is rare for the most all the birds in the woods. In the bitter cold of winter when other birds seek out the warmth of shelter, the chickadee is busy about the task of sounding its cheerful notes throughout its domain.
Apparently, Its continual praise has beneficial effect upon the chickadee’s longevity for (I have read that) it outlives many of its feathered friends, with a lifespan of up to nine years!
As I continued to watch these little colorful wonders, I also thought about how Chickadees give a bright response to the provision of daily food. Young chickadees have very healthy appetites, and their parents have a difficult job satisfying their needs, thus, it would be logical for them to hoard whatever food they find in the forest.
However, as if to express gratefulness to God, they sing when they have found a fresh provision of food. Their song signals other chickadees that are in the area and informs them of the new provision. They quickly fly over and partake of it.
Chickadees always use a variety in the way they communicate cheer with their songs. We all know that the sincerity of gratefulness is often measured by the creativity by which it is communicated. The more forethought that is invested in expressing gratefulness, the more it is appreciated by the one receiving it. The way gratefulness is expressed must also be appropriate to the time, occasion, and circumstances surrounding it. Scripture warns that a loud blessing given too early in the morning will be taken as a curse. (Prov 27:14)
It seems to me, that the chickadee illustrates both of these points in its varied melodies.
We all know and can agree that genuine praise gives energy. It is like the chickadee bringing nourishment to its young. Just as young chickadees have an enormous appetite for food, so people have a continual need for praise. God compares His care of us with His daily concern for all of the birds, including the chickadees, “Behold the fowls of the air; for they sow not, neither do they reap nor gather into barns: yet your heavenly Father feedeth them, Are you not much better than they?” (Matt 6:26) As we understand God’s working in and around us, we will have the basis for gratefulness.
Everyday God gives us multitudes of benefits which we tend to take for granted. There is so much wisdom in the hymn “count your blessings” … “Count your many blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord hath done …” Gratefulness requires daily alertness.
Whenever we face a crisis or major need, we tend to cry out to God for His help. After He gives help and the crisis is past, we often fail to thank God for His divine assistance, Sometimes we even fail to acknowledge that it was God who protected us from disaster or provided for our needs.
It is easy to be grateful when everything is going well, but God wants us to thank Him “in all things.” This includes the difficult times and the times of personal loss.
Thanking God is an act of obedience of the will. Being thankful is an emotion that often results when we obey the instruction: “in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God" … (1 Thessalonians 5:15)
When we see how difficult times are being used of God to build character in our lives, we will understand how all things work together for good, and we will be thankful. (Rom. 8:28)
True gratefulness is expressing to God and others how He has benefited our lives. Our daily speech ought to be filled with praise to God for the many ways He continues to benefit us.
Gratefulness is acknowledging the fact that everything that we have is the result of God and others investing in us. Gratefulness is an attitude of indebtedness along with the motivation to adequately express that attitude. It is recognizing that in ourselves we have nothing, that we are nothing, and that whatever we do have, we owe to God to our parents, to our family, and to others.
The Chickadee (though as common as they be) have now become such a great reminder to me of being grateful and giving thanks in all things and at all times, even during the hard days of adversity. Every time I hear their cheerful song, I am reminded to stop, and be grateful to to the Lord as well as everyone and everything for what the HE has given me in life and to start 'singing' a bright, cheerful song during adverse AND pleasant conditions.

A Collection of blog posts from Mom's Journey with Cancer

Its been one year now since we found out that Mom had cancer. I have hopes of writing my full account of this journey with my Mom. However, that will all have to wait till another time to get posted.
For now, I’m going to copy and paste excerpts that were taken from my main blog. Since they are from my main blog, these posts are complete with status updates and surgery schedule giving a real every day account of what happened in our lives during this time. So, it may not read as smoothly as some other things that I’ve posted, but it still sketches a glimpse as too what happened, and how we walked through it.

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11/6/08

-Everything Has Its Time-
To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven . . . (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
As the scenery has greatly changed outdoors, giving us new bright Autumn colors to gaze at,
so has the scenery changed in our household . . .

Dear beloved Family & Friends,
I write to you today asking for prayers as our family enters a new walk of faith. We have recently learned that my Mother has Stage three Malignant Melanoma (skin cancer).
This this news all started a few weeks ago when our M.D. did a biopsy from a small tumor on her back. As he sent it off to the lab, he confirmed to us that it was defiantly at least stage one Melanoma Skin Cancer, but that he felt sure would be at stage two.
While waiting for the confirmation call, we learned from the nurse that they had the tests back into the office … but our M.D. still did not call us. As a day or two passed we knew that something was must be wrong.
The confirmation call finally came in saying that it was much worse than we had hoped for, that it was at Stage Three. This means that she will need to have surgery to remove large (+6 inch sections) of the cancer filled skin on her back.
The very next morning we found ourselves sitting the Dermatology office. The specialist there took another biopsy from a spot on her face and made sure we knew the gravity of this situation. Then, since the cancer is at the ‘dangerous’ state of stage three, the doctor ordered for more testing to be done too make sure that it has not metastasized to her liver, lungs or lymph nodes. That afternoon we went to the hospital and had the blood tests and x-rays done, and an appointment is currently being made in Madison to have her a biopsy on her lymph nodes. We hope that the Madison hospital will remove the skin at the same time they do the biopsy, but things are yet to be confirmed in this area.
There are still many things to be worked out and we would greatly covet your prayers as we start this new journey of faith.
Humbly yours,
Dawn for the Beatty Family

11/7/08
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." (Romans 12:12)

This morning, we received a call from the University Hospital about a appointment next Wednesday, the 12th, at 2:30 in the afternoon. As with any new doctor that we see, there will need to be a consultation before any real work is done so we believe that this appointment will hold some information gathering and a few tests.
The surgeon is Dr. Weber. We were informed that she is normally not in on Wednesdays, but has agreed to see Mom on her day off of work. We ask that you please pray for Dr. Weber, for knowledge, wisdom and accuracy and grace for the time with us on her day off.
We still cannot help but wonder if this is THAT urgent enough, that a doctor would come in on a day off to see her?! Somehow it doesn't seem possible that it could be all that bad. However, at the same time, we are resting in the Lord and his will. All of us are grateful for His presence and the knowledge that He is with her, with us.
It is in these times that we are reminded of our total dependence upon our Father in Heaven and our Saviour. Praise Him for He is good and His mercy endures forever.

11/10/08
"Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God."
(Psalm 43:5)
"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials; knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience; But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."
(James 12:2-4)
Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good!For His mercy endures forever.
(1 Chronicles 16:34)

Tensions have risen as we are eagerly anticipating all the remaining details to fall in place for Mom's test results and surgery information. There have been many many calls today going back and forth between different hospitals and doctors however we are now happy to have a few things figured out and some dates set. We are still awaiting one biopsy result (that will not be in until later this week) however the tests on her lungs and liver came in clear, praise the Lord!
This Wednesday, the 12th, we travel to University Hospital in Madison. At 10:45 she has general registration for the hospital; register at the surgery clinic; then see Mary Beth (the surgeons assistant) for a total skin examination, history and more paper work; then go to the 'Learning Center' for paper work; then an appointment with the anesthesiologist and sign his papers; then, at 2:30, she will see the surgeon, Dr. Weber. We appreciate the very thorough approach they are taking to rid her of this cancer. Surgery is scheduled for Wednesday the 19th. No details on this day yet, just that she will report to the Nuclear Medical Department that morning for a Sentinel Lymph-node Scintigraphy test. This means that she will be injected with a blue dye at the cancerous tissue site that acts like a little GPS system and is tracked via X-ray, this tells them which sentinel node the cancer may have channeled to. Then that node will be biopsied for cancer cells. That afternoon, she will have surgery to have a large area excision. We will learn more details about all of this on this Wednesday, when we visit the hospital.
Thank you to everyone for all of the notes, calls & prayers! "We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of you in our prayers ..." (1 Thessalonians 1:2) We are very grateful for your love and support as we walk through this. There is still a long road ahead of us however, we are eager to see where the Lord leads.
-Interesting Info- Before Mom got Melanoma, we really did not know much about skin cancer at all! Most of us basically thought that it was something that you got from the tanning bed or from getting sun burnt one to many times. However, now we have been exposed to an enormous amount of information. Come to find out, (like in Mom's case) you do not even need to be exposed to the sun at all to get it.

11/13/08
I Know Whom I Have Believed
(4th verse)
"I know not what of good or ill may be reserved for me, of weary ways or golden days, before His face I see. But I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I've committed unto Him against that day."

This song has been on Mom's heart and mind lately leaving the tune stuck in my head all day. The Lord is so good, and His mercy endures for ever. We are ever so aware of His presence with us. We certainly have committed this entire chapter of our lives to Him.
The trip to University Hospital in Madison yesterday went very well. The good news of the day was that the biopsy from her face came back benign, not malignant! So, she is now fully registered with the hospital and the surgery clinic, and all pre-op work ups are done, so she does not have to go back before surgery day.
We met Dr. Weber (the surgeon), her nurse and her student doctor. All are very pleasant to work with. All of them are very happy with the way Dr. Coates (the dermatologist in Rockford) has handled this. Dr. Weber is assigning her an Oncologist there at the Madison hospital, so, we look forward to meeting him soon.
If the lymph biopsy (that they take the day of surgery) shows shows a metastasis, they will take the whole cluster of lymph nodes out in a second surgery.
Dr. Weber made sure we/she understood the need for intensive follow up for the next 10 years. Dr. Coates will do the post op follow up 2 weeks after surgery, and take the stitches out, then she will see her every three months. She will take care of the other suspicious places on her. We have yet to get an appointment with the Oncologist.
Mom has a phone consultation tomorrow with a nutritionist. The nutritionist will work up a diet plan for her based on her blood tests, and lab reports. We hope to build her immune system to help fight anything that is currently trying to metastasize. She will have an in person consultation as soon as we can work out an appointment time.

11/16/08
Kleenex have been a common sight in our house this past week because, Mom has become very ill with a chest cold. Everyone else has had the sniffles, but nothing like the Bronchitis that has settled in Mom's chest. Early this morning, she could not breath and had to go to the ER. Her Bronchitis simply triggered/caused an asthma attack. After two nebulizer treatments, she is now finally able to breath.
The surgeons will not do the surgery if she has a cold much less Bronchitis. So, we are doing everything possible to help her heal quickly. We would covet your prayers concerning her heath as we approach the surgery date that is coming up all to soon.
On a lighter note, in an effort to come up with things to keep Mom's hands busy as her back heals after surgery, Mom requested that I quilt a few tops that she had pieced so that she could have some binding projects to do. Our friend, Margaret, was gracious enough to let me come in this past week and use her long-arm-quilter to run some panaghraphs on Mom's pieced tops.
I have not used Marg's Long-Arm in a long time (probably not since I worked for her at the quilt shop!) So my skills were rather rusty. However, Marg was more than happy to help me out and get me going. I was able to do two baby quilts, and one full sized one. So hopefully, with the binding projects along with some crocheting and fine needle work, a few good books, and a few dozen cups of nice tea ... Mom should be able to keep her fingers rather busy while she is healing after surgery.

11/18/08
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
(Hebrews 11:1)
Tomorrow is Mom's surgery date and it appears that she has healed JUST enough from her bronchitis for the surgery to still go on. Prise the Lord!!
A few last minute details for tomorrow: Mom reports to the surgery clinic at 9:15AM and will then get settled into her room, and have her vitals taken IV put in etc etc ... Then they will take her to Nuclear Medicine for a 10:15 appointment. This is when they will put in the radio active dye that I mentioned earlier. Her surgery is scheduled to start at 1:45. Originally, we were told that it would take a few hours for surgery. However, they think they may have too take a lymph node from the groin as well as from the arm pit, so they are now allowing more time. It is sometimes easy to feel that all of this is almost over now. However, we know that there is still much to be done, surgery is just the first step to beating this Melanoma. Thank you all for your prayers and concern, they are greatly appreciated. :)


11/19/08
Ok this is just a quick update .... many more details to follow later on tonight! Surgery went well. When they did the radio dye this AM it traveled to two lymphs (one under each arm). When they did the surgery on the lymphs they found two lumps in one node and one in the other. These will be sent off to be biopsied and we will get the results next week. Doctors were pleased with how things went on her back. I have yet to see her yet as she is still asleep in recovery. Hoping to give a detailed post this evening with more info. :)

11/20/08
Surgery day proved to be a very loooong and trying day. Things started off bright and early yesterday morning. Mom got all cozyed up in her comfy PJs and matching slippers as we packed things up in the car. A few past doctor visits prepared us to come in comfy warm clothing when expecting a long day. Upon arrival she got signed in and headed right off to the nuclear radiology department.
This is where they injected nuclear radio active material in around her original cancer sight. This material then traveled in the same pattern that the cancer does leading them to the right lymph nodes for them too (later) biopsy, and test. Since lymphs grow in clusters, the object is for this material to go right exactly to what cluster the cancer may have traveled so that they could take out the right node. They tracked this material with a "GPS" system via x-ray pictures up too two lymph clusters, one under each arm pit. This surprised the Doctors as usually one arm pit would be involved. Later on in surgery, they would bring out a pen like rector scale that would buzz around the right nodes in the cluster. Then, they injected a blue dye that traveled in the same pattern up to the lymphs to identify 'in blue', exactly what nodes could/would be metastasised with melanoma so that they would extract the right ones for biopsying. So the nuclear stuff was to identify the right cluster, the dye was to get the right nodes with-in the cluster. After the nuclear stuff was done we headed back to her room where we had some nervous chatter with the Doctors. There were a few worries here and there as we approached surgery time. Enough worries to make us a tadd jittery so Mom pulled out a baby blanket to bind. The small needle work kept her hands busy until time to go back for surgery.
During this time we also met more Doctors that would be working on her. Since this hospital is such a wonderful teaching place, there were quite a few student Doctors that got to scrub in and take part. At times it was easy to loose track of names from the +6 Doctors/Student Doctors that were involved with the surgery.
Then, the time finally came to take her back. A few hours later, the Head Surgeon informed us that she was out of surgery and that things went well. She was very pleased with how the surgery its self went and how her back looked after the 3" x 7" section was taken out.
Doctor said that they went in very deep under her arms for the nodes. They ended up taking out five lymph nodes all together. Three under one arm, and two under the other. These nodes are being sent off to the lab for biopsying and the results should be back in one week. This also meant that she would be very, very sore under there, probably more sore under there than her back!
A few more hours passed and then Mom woke up. When she first woke up she was in a LOT of pain and it took them a while to get her pain under control. After that she was just really groggy, and things were extremely painful under her arms. She stayed rather green faced for quite some time as she rested. It still took time for the pain to calm down and she had some major nausea if she moved. As soon as she felt better she was discharged. There was much talk about staying over night however, the Doctor said that it would be better for her to come home and get a full nights rest at home, rather than have the nurses waking her every 2-4hrs (protocol wakes for hospital patients) so she was soon strolled out to the car where, (as gentle as the driver was being!) there were quite a few bumps and lumps but we finally made it home around 10ish (PM).
Upon our arrival home, our hearts were blessed to see that a dear sweet family had picked things up around the house, made dinner and set the table for us leaving wonderful get well cards sprinkled about.Even though we were not able to enjoy the meal last night, we are looking forward to having it to day. It was a tremendous blessings to Mom (and to our) hearts. Thanks so much dear ones!!
I will continue to update as she recovers here at home. Right now we would covet your prayers as she is still in a LOT of pain and has quite a bit of recovering to do.
Well that's my update for now! I must be off to bed but like I said, I'll continue to post more as she recovers!!
~Dawn for the Family

11/21/08
36hrs later
Dad went right back to work after we got home because he has some NASA job to get done and Beth has now returned to her Nanny position. So, I will now only see her and Dad on the weekends making this house feel much bigger than it really is.
The first 24hrs after surgery were very painful for Mom. Between the combination nuclear active material in her body, the blue dye (both make you feel really icky) and the irritation of a breathing tube (that really, really aggravated her healing bronchitis) and the shock of surgery on three parts of her body she has really had it rough. The incisions under her arms are about 2-3inches and they took the biopsies pretty deep with-in the arm pit nodes. This made all arm movement pretty impossible.
I had planed on dealing with her pain from the surgery on her back however, I did not figure on her arms being immobile. So, as you can imagine, it was pretty challenging to find a position to make her comfy. Laying on her back was not an an option due to her surgery there, and laying on her sides was not really an option either due to the surgeries there, and her stomach was not an option because of the rolling involved to get her in and out of that position . Sooo, we ended up with lots of pillows to prop her into kind of comply spot. Needless to say, Ice packs have been her favorite buddy lately. I have enjoyed many many trips to the freezer in swapping out her packs and piling on the quilts to keep her warm. Through it all she has maintained a very positive attitude. However, the human body can only take so much and as remarkable as the Lord has built us, our bodies still need lots and lots of time to heal after things like this.
Now, 36hrs after surgery (taking everything into consideration) she is doing pretty good. This morning she is able to be a little bit more mobile and is feeling well enough to carry on small conversations here and there. Her pain and swelling is starting to go down as well so that is wonderful.
Well, that's all the news that I have time to type for now! Thanks to all for your continued love and support. We would still covet your prayers as she recovers and as we walk out the next stages of this journey.

11/22/08
This dark deary sky that we have seen the past few days seemed to be creeping into our home as well . So, on one of my many ice pack runs I got an idea to bring an extra big smile to Mom. Thus, a wig and bright make-up was quickly applied making little Dawn-Marilyn-Monroe-Beatty appear. The look on her face was priceless as I asked if she would like some oatmeal for breakfast! *haha* Needless to say, smiles were not lacking around our house this morning!
On a more serious note. It's amazing what we take for granted on an every day basis. Our mobility is certainly a wonderful God given gift and should not be taken lightly. The simple every day things that us mobile beings enjoy like brushing your hair, bending over the sink while brushing your teeth, getting in and out of bed or a chair by yourself are all simple things, but yet so important to every day life.
Today was an encouraging day because Mom was feeling well enough to do these things again by herself. I've been able to slack off on my ice pack runs as her pain and swelling have gone down a little. Even though her pain is letting up, she is still pretty limited in what she can do or how she can move and it does not take much to get her tuckered out. Although, she is still being quite the trooper with it all!
In other news ... this morning we got her new cancer diet from the nutritionist so we are eager to get going on that this week. There are not to many new foods in her diet that we are not already used to eating. However, the way that they are prepared and the combinations are a bit different so we are going to be eating lots of 'new' meals.

11/24/08
64hrs Later we are still managing to put one foot in-front of the other. Today, Mom is showing good improvement in her pain level and mobility. Our family has SO MUCH to give thanks for this year as we approach Thanksgiving. Today I am very, very thankful to the Lord for having such the tremendous blessing of my Mom. Its so wonderful to see her feeling better today as we celebrate and wish her a happy birthday!

11/27/08
One week later. Despite a horrible bronchitis flare up, Mom is feeling so much better and is starting to show real healing from her surgery. However, she is still rather limited in her mobility. Since she is feeling so much better, I have often found her stretching her limits as well as her stitches these past few days. Needless to say, some duct tape was applied to her and the recliner thus, solving the problem!
We are all getting used to her new diet and even though we have only been on it one week, we are already seeing some positive results from it! We are still awaiting her biopsy results (that have been slowed down due to holidays) but are hopeful of their outcome.

12/9/08
Dear Family & Friends,
We are grateful to report to you all the biopsy results are cancer free! The radioactive fluid tracked from her mid back on the right side of her spine, to the lymph nodes in the left arm pit and some tissue next to the lymph node cluster, then over to the right side. So the three 'sentinel' nodes and the tissue that took up the fluid on the left were removed and the two sentinel nodes from the right side were removed. All of them showed no evidence of malignant Melanoma.
My hope and trust has been in my God and His sovereign will. I had reached an obedient place in my heart and mind to joyfully receive and walk whatever He called us too, and so I joyfully received that it did not include Melanoma right now. :-) I can honestly say I was not "relieved", because it was no longer a burden, either way I would continue my walk with Him, I was prepared to rejoice either way. I rejoice that He has not called us too battle cancer right now. I rejoice for all He has taught me in the last five weeks. But mostly I rejoice in His love for me. He loves me enough to put me/us through trials and tests to grow me/us. I have learned more about steadfastness and my faith has grown.
We had the appointment in Madison on Tuesday with the surgeon, an appointment in Chicago with the nutritionist on Wednesday, and an appointment in Rockford on Thursday with the dermatologist. This has been a long week because we have also had the stomach flu run through our family. We received good reports from all of the doctors, Mom's incisions are healing very well. But we also received a lot of caution. The doctors in Madison warn that "this might come back". There is room for 'rogue' melanoma cells that are in transit and unable to be detected now, to settle in some place and start growing Melanoma at some point. We were also told to "prepare and be on guard because she will get a cancer again". So, it is important to keep all of her three month appointments, and do all the recommended scans, x-rays etc. The doctors recommend follow up for the next ten years. We were really encouraged on Tuesday when we were told to check into nutritional counseling about eating food to build my immune system! They said that this would be my best defense against any return or new cancer! They were excited to be reminded that we had already gotten with a nutritionist, and were on a new diet. This was all SO encouraging because even though we have seen food used as medicine to help our bodies heal, and we know people that can testify to it, we still were hesitant to continue because of the trips to Chicago, and asking my Dad to stretch us so far financially. So, we took this as a confirmation to continue to be diligent with food for nutrition and medicine. I would like to ask you to continue to pray for us; please pray that we would have wisdom and discernment concerning the Nutritionist, appointments and so on. I want to thank you all so much for the support, encouragement and prayers on our behalf this last month. We were blessed by your outreach of love and kindness.
Continuing in Him,
Dawn for the Family


11/4/2009
It has been one year now since we first got the call that confirmed Mom's cancer. Its been a long, but encouraging road since then. Mom has had lots of new cancerous growth in these past 12 months, and, has had to have three more patches of skin re-moved. The first two were malignant, but the intensity has de-creased over time and this last one (taken off 2 months ago) was not malignant.
It appears that the diet is working, we are so grateful that it is so that she does not have to go through chemotherapy. The Lord has been so good to us during all of this.
Right now Mom is being diagnoses as 'cancer free'. Praise the Lord!
Someday, I hope to write on a more personal level about all of this and how the Lord has worked in my own heart. But, all that will have to wait for another time and perhaps another season in life. For now, I am content to look over these posts and be reminded of God’s ever abiding presence and faithfulness in family’s life. God is indeed good.

Psalm 71:5-8

For You are my hope, O Lord GOD;
You are my trust from my youth.
By You I have been upheld from birth;
You are He who took me out of my mother’s womb.
My praise shall be continually of You.
I have become as a wonder to many,
But You are my strong refuge.
Let my mouth be filled with Your praise.
And with Your glory all the day.

Being a Buzzing Bee

In as much as I have been enjoying feeling the suns warm rays, smelling freshly cut grass and tasting things that only grow in the Spring, I have also been enjoying listening to the constant buzzzhmmbzz that looms around our flowering trees. In the past I would keep my distance from these buzzing trees however, now, I am finding myself quite enjoying a good sit under the petaled canopy to watch and listen to these wonderful little creatures. It is amazing to see them so busy at work, so focused on their mission. As I sit and watch these marvelous little creatures busy doing what work the Lord as put before them, it reminds me to be diligent in what work the Lord has put before me. The bumblebees fly past me at alarming speeds (reaching ground speeds of up to 33mph) all with the purpose of reaching their goal in a timely, efficient manor. Pondering these facts makes me question how quickly and efficiently I serve the Lord. Now I don't mean how fast I can do a physical deed, but more along the lines of how quickly I can turn a soft answer to someone or how quick I am to forgive. With quite a few buzzing trees on our property I am constantly reminded of what lessons I can learn from the bumblebees and how I should be a busy bee buzzing about the Lords work.

~A Living Prayer~

In this world I walk alone with no place to call my home

But there's One who holds my hand

The rugged road through barren lands

The way is dark, the road is steep

But He's become my eyes to see

The strength to climb, my griefs to bear

This Savior lives inside me there

In Your love I find release

A haven from my unbelief

Take my life and let me be

A living prayer my God to thee

In these trials of life I find

Another Voice inside my mind

He comforts me and bids me live

Inside the love the Father gives

In your love I find release

A haven from my unbelief

Take my life and let me be

A living prayer my

God to thee

... take my life and let me be

A living prayer my God to thee.

Morning Surprise

... morning mist settled in laying softly over the pastures as I finished up my chores in the barn. The sun had just cleared the horizon casting a mystical glow across the planted landscape. I was quite eager to finish up the last of my chores so that I could head of for a walk through the forest preserve to do some bird watching. With such a beautiful morning I was certain that I would be able to capture some good pictures of nature as it finished waking up. As I held the hose in the water trough my mind wondered off as I started to imagine what birds I would be able to spot.

Would I see the great cranes catching there morning breakfast? Or the song birds busy at work fixing there nests from the storm? Or maybe I would see that beaver family again. I wonder how there dam is coming along? I let out a small chuckle as I remembered the last time I saw the beavers ... there was this young one carrying that huge branch and it was just way to cute!

My day dreaming suddenly came to a halt as the sound of barking dogs reached my ears. Remembering how the neighbors dogs had a history of attacking our goats I was instantly set on edge. With the mist still laying heavy on the field I was unable to see just how close they were ... but it sounded to close for comfort. After carefully scanning things over I was able to see our goats close to the barn. The barking became more intense as they were obviously on the chase. I automatically assumed that they had simply found a muskrat or something in our creek and figured that I would chase them off of our land when I finished watering.

These thoughts vanished my mind when I heard a very distressed "maaaa!!". My heart stopped as the distressed maaing turned into a blood curdling scream of "MAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" "BARKEDY-BARK-BARK!" I dropped the hose and started running as fast as I could towards the attack dogs. My feet kept slipping on the dewy grass as I ran and my heart beat faster and faster as the "maaing" began to stop.

As I approached the bloody scene I was able to get the dogs off of the goat kid ... ... Oh wait! This isn't a goat kid ... it's a fawn!I slowly picked up the terrified thing and examined it for any breaks or tears.

Amazingly enough it only had some small teeth marks on it's head and ear. Things were a bit bloody ... but it actually looked pretty good. I set it back down in the grass and began to walk home. Growing up around nature I knew better than to bring it home. I felt confident that it's Mother would find it. Does often leave there young for up to 6hrs at a time as they forage for food. As I glanced up I saw the dogs near by. I tired to chase them home but to no avail. I glanced back at the trembling fawn and said "Oh, okay! But just for a little while!" I picked the poor thing up and carried it off for home where it stayed for just a few moments until it had calmed down and the dogs had left. Then we carried it back down to where I found it. I am happy to report that later that day a doe deer was spotted down by where we placed it. :)